Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
