Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
