Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
