My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
