my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
