I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
