Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
