I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
