I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
