I would go down on you faster than GM stock
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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