your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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