i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
