I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
