I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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