My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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