there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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