Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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