Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
soo... how was my night?
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