suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
