I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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