i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
