two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
