sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
"it" just moved
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
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ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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