her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
