I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
