okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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