talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
