fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
