I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
