Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
well you can't waste a boner
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
