Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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