I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize