That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
