Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
