We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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