You're completely useless in the revolution.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
