i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
