I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
FUCK WHALES
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