I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
