I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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