Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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