So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
