guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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