she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
