How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
