your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
