dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
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And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
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blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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