help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
