dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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