I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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