i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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