mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
