i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
