Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
