peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize