I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think your dad took our porno
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
