my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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