Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
