I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
