I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
