I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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