no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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