Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
