hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
