remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
