You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
