It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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