Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
