the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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