I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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